Sex Jokes


This week is the busiest week at work. It is the last week for school year 2011-2012 so need to accomplish everything. I am very slow in completing all the forms, there are so many interruptions. Every now and then, my 15 yr old student named “Joey” comes to my table to ask for nails, to report that his classmates are misbehaving, to ask question …this and that. Because it is all serious here at work, thought of posting a joke 🙂 from joke4all.net

 

Joke 1

A girl is driving along the expressway listening to the radio when she hears a song she really, really likes. When the song is over the announcer says the title of the record was, “Hot Lips and Tender Kisses.”

When she gets home she’s very excited about the new song and decides to call her local music store to see if they have the record. Hurriedly, and excitedly, she dials the store’s number. But in her excitement, she unknowingly misdialed and got an auto repair shop instead.

“Hello,” the mechanic answers.

“Oh, yes! Do you have Hot Lips and Tender Kisses?” the girl asks.

The mechanic was puzzled, but says, “Well, no, but I’ve got hot pants and seven inches.”

“Oh, is that a record?” she says.

“No,” he says, “but it’s better than average.”

 

Joke 2

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.

She looked down. and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device … a dildo! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic. “You impotent bastard,” She screamed at him, “How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!”

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: “I’ll explain the toy … you explain the kids.”

 

Have a nice day 🙂

 

The Pharmacist


Sunday morning, I was still sleepy when I woke up…. lazy to get up, I turned on my laptop while still in bed excited to see if I got a message from Martin. After, I thought of checking Darren Uretsky’s profile, a new friend from Vancouver to view hockey photos and to boast to my sister that I have a friend who is a real hockey player…oh Darren, if ur reading this, I am just trying to make you feel good :p! hehe peace! My sister boasted her photo sitting on a VIP booth I think watching hockey, so thought of boasting about meeting a hockey player :p . But then, I couldnt’ stop laughing after reading this so I am sharing it to you. My Sunday morning was rocked by the “Pharmacist”.

Enjoy reading!

 

 

 


The Good Policeman

-Shainey
Officer Mirek was a generous policeman. He always tried to help people who were in trouble. Many policemen just arrested people whenever they did something wrong, but Officer Mirek really cared about everyone.
If he saw a beggar on the street, he did not arrest him for begging. Instead, he gave him few coins to buy a meal.
If he saw children behaving badly, he did not take them to the policestation and charge them with an offense. Instead, he tried to find out why they were behaving badly and then lectured them on the importance of good behavior.
Officer Mirek knew that a lot of people think policemen are bad and corrupt. One day, he went to the church to pray.
“Lord, I have been trying to be a good officer and has not done anything against the law. Please help me to prove to the people that there are some policemen who are true and trustworthy,” said Officer Mirek.
On the same time, there was a little girl kneeling beside him. She was crying and tears were rolling down her face.
Officer Mirek heard the prayers of the little girl saying, “ Lord, please help me. My mother needs medicine and I don’t know where to get money for it. Her medicine costs 200 pesos. Please Lord, help me.”
“Hello,” he said to her, “and what’s your problem?”
The small girl looked up at him through her tears. She knew that he is a policeman because he was wearing his uniform. She told  Officer Mirek about her problem and continued crying.
“Oh dear! It’s all right,” Officer Mirek said, “ Don’t worry, it’s not the end of the world.
He took his wallet and checked how much he has got. Unfortunately, his money was just exactly 200 pesos. He gave 100 pesos to the little girl and keep the other 100 pesos for himself to buy food for his family on that day.
“Here’s 100 pesos. I hope this helps for the medicine of your mother. Now you can stop crying,” said Officer Mirek.
But instead of stopping, the small girl cried even louder.
She kneeled down again and prayed, “Lord, next time when you give me money, please don’t give it to a police officer. I heard they are corrupt and I just realized it is true. He just gave me half of the amount I asked from you.”

Our Bad Neighbor


Our Bad Neighbor

We are fed up with our neighbor. He was always borrowing things from us.
“It’s not right”, dad said to mom one morning. “At some time or another that man has borrowed nearly everything we have. Almost every day he come over to borrow something.”
“You’re absolutely right”, his wife replied, “and most of the things, he’s never returned.”
“What I want to know,” dad said, “ is why can’t he buy the things he needs, like everyone else?”
“Because people like us are foolish enough to keep on lending him what he needs,” she replied. “ As long as we are willing to lend him anything again, he’ll keep on borrowing.”
“Then we will never lend him anything again,” dad said. “ The next time he’ll borrow something, I’ll say no.”
“We have to have a good reason for saying no,” mom said, “and we have to always try to be polite to him. We don’t want to make an enemy of the man.”
It was not longer before their decision not to lend our neighbor anything ever again was put to the test. The next morning there was a knock on the door, and dad went to answer it. Our neighbor was standing there. We knew he was going to ask to borrow something, and was ready to refuse him politely.
“Good morning,” our neighbor said, “I’m sorry to trouble you, but I wonder if I could borrow your garden scissors.”
“I’m sorry, dad said, “but I’m afraid my family will be using them today. We’ll be spending all day working in the garden.”
“Oh I see,” our neighbor said. “ In that case, may I borrow your television? You won’t be needing it if you’re working in the garden all day, will you?”