My family


My Family

My father -Demosthenes “Jimmy” Gonzales     

        

            My mother -Erlinda “Nonoy” Tana

My sister Claire Gonzales – Nov. 29,1980 

              

                      Yours truly Sheryl Gonzales July 15,1982

Jimelyn Gonzales Lukacs                                     

Feb. 24, 1987            

married to 

 

Martin Lukacs

   

                             Jonas Gonzales      August 7, 1990

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My daughter


My number one fan, My best friend, My daughter.

I became a single mother at a very early age, 16  and I never regret it. I was in my 2nd year in university when I had her.  Life has been more wonderful despite of all the trials and hardships I experienced.

Since she came, my world changed. I was young and didn’t know what to do but every tear that fell on my cheeks, my baby cried with me and wiped my tears.

As a single parent, I struggled financially. We suffered hunger together but she gave me a smile and never complained.

     

I didn’t stop my studies and I took her with me. She carried my books and notes because sometimes, I just went to school without it. Other children would tease her for being born without a father, for being small, and for not having a family which made her asked me what a family is.

      

I left her at the public market everyday when my schedules are late. Unlike other kids, she had no toys as I couldn’t afford. She watched other kids playing with their beautiful toys and when attempted to join them, they would push her away which hurt me a lot but she smiled at me when someone did it. She wore second hand clothes but she’s happy about it. She always stayed at the pharmacy in the market and wishing she could buy those lotions and other beauty products for me. It chopped my heart as she’s very thoughtful and only think what’s best for me. She thinks I am the most beautiful woman on earth, the smartest, everything about me was the best for her.

After university, we were separated. I started being away to look for money. She would hold my hand and asked me to stay as it didn’t matter for her if we would be hungry as long as we were together. I was soft at first but later on, I got tough. I needed to leave for it hurt a lot to see her going to school with torn clothes, no snacks and very thin slippers wich hurt her feet. She used plastics to keep her things as I couldn’t afford to buy her bag.

The most painful part of our story was having no food on a Christmas eve. She was 6 and I think I was 23. My China adventure put me in debts which left me no single cent in my pocket. The two of us were waiting that someone would knock at the door and at least give me a piece of bread for her. I tried to look for food til I saw spoon of rice in a pot that was not yet cleaned. I then asked my daughter to have it to make her tummy feel a little better but tears running down her cheeks and said ” I love u mama, I can’t afford to have this food knowing that u are very hungry and so skinny. Let’s share it”. My heart was squeezed til no more blood left. I was so young to think  that the world is so cruel to me when in fact I always tried to be a good person. Watching my daughter  so skinny and malnourish as she watched other kids having good snacks made me decide to leave again.

I  left again and see each other like once or few times a year. I tried to put a smile on my face everyday. I tried to think that someday, it is not me who will need help but it is me who will be helping people. I walked, ate, slept alone trying to hold the tears that would want to fall. I got only 1 good blouse to wear at work which a friend of mine gave me. My sore feet endured wearing that shoes which hurt a lot when u walk. I tried to survive from hunger and from the painful words of other people who look down at me. I was young, I was pretty, I was innocent.  

My daughter and I got tougher and stronger… The struggle is not yet over but at least I can take her to Jollibee sometimes. Now, she is big and grow taller than me and share some clothes.

. I haven’t found someone who treat her like a real daughter or a daddy she can call but i still hope that one day, it will happen. Someone whom my Sheila and I can take care together. Someone whom we can massage after being tired at work. Someone whom we can ask for ice cream. Life has been full of drama no matter how hard I tried to put a comedy in the story. But me and my Sheila dream together for that LOVE we have been waiting for long time. A Family – Father and Mother I Love You….